Flowers Blooming in the Church
by Project Hypocrisy
Summary: The ghost of a fallen comrade revives painful memories. A journey begins to find what was lost, to revive a piece of them that was suddenly taken away. The journey that wasn't seen. REVAMP-i-mified.
1. Chapter 1

_**Flowers Blooming in the Church**_

_The ghost of a fallen comrade revives painful memories. A journey begins to find what was lost, to revive a piece of them that was suddenly taken away. The journey that wasn't seen._

_**Chapter 1**_

_**Returning**_

The air vibrated a low murmur from the west. The airship Shera was going to visit Midgar this fine evening. It was little past dinner, and AVALANCHE stayed clear from the piling heap of "food" the captain laid on the table. Tifa was usually the one to lay out a hardy meal, but today, she didn't feel like cooking. No one blamed her. No one even cared to eat, even if it had been Tifa's cooking. They would perhaps pick at the food, as not to let her efforts go to waste. Broken spirits couldn't seem to find the strength to eat anymore. Everything happened so quickly. They couldn't find the time to take a breath, collect themselves, even after the fall of Meteor just a few weeks ago.

The engines were taking a break as the large machinery lay only a few miles from the outskirts of the slums of Midgar. The engines roared, yet no one was there to listen to the impressive sound.

The once bustling massive city, was now reduced to nothing but ruins and empty air. Somehow, the empty air seemed to affect the crew the moment they entered its perimeter. Midgar still held its way with people; in its prime glory or in its demise.

Cloud was the first to exit the Highwind that evening. An air about him made even Tifa look away. His eyes were set on Midgar, fiery yet glazed as if all sense was lost. The battle had been a tiring one. One that took every ounce of strength (mentally and physically) to render himself victor. Yet, to what price?

Tifa had thought that maybe after the world was silenced of threats, she could finally live her life the way she had dreamt it to be. That was far from what she was experiencing now. She watched as the only person that remained of her childhood drifted into a grand and mencing hole, being consumed by its darkness. Tifa lost sight of the man whom once told her everything would be all right.

Tifa stayed a few feet behind him, hiding in the deep shadows of the midnight dark. Cloud didn't bother to notice, for his sights were elsewhere, gazing over the bland valley of criss-crossing junk and crippled skyscraper structures unrolling before him. He asked Cid to fly him here. His intentions were to carry out his will on his own.

He threw the rope ladder over the Shera's metal side, watching as the metres and metres of rope hss-edits way to the ground. His ears were listening to the thud it would make once it hit the bottom, the only way he would know if it was safe to climb down.

Tifa watched from the safety of the shadows as Cloud climbed slowly down to the ground. The fading moonlight eluminated the swaying of the rope under Cloud's weight. Tifa waited until the movement ceased before she could follow him. It was minutes before it had and she felt confident that what she was doing for Cloud's own safety. Cloud was far from weak, but his mind and jugdement were feeble and on the point of breaking. Tifa felt obliged to help him as he had helped her countless times.

Into the shadow of the Shera, she crept, following the man that seemed to personify meaning to her, saving him from the only threat that still existed: himself.

It was silent. The wind had halted its path to Midgar and took another route. The dead of Midgar rested as the living took shelter under the rubble. The moon shone not on the metal hell, instead hid its shame in the thick clouds of poisonous ash Cloud's breath slithered through his lips, the only sound of life in Midgar.

It was an exhausting decent for Tifa. Her muscles ached as she jumped from platform to platform. Her eyes were straining against the thick veil of darkness covering them. And the reek of Midgar made her soul crawl. But she was determined, and would be damned if anything happened to Cloud.

Cloud was unaware of how long the descent was, and he couldn't care less. The only thing on his mind was his destination. The sweet fragrance of the delicate flowers. The warmth emitting from the comforting chapel. The gentle trickle of the waterfall. The smile of dear Aeris...

The endless loop of thoughts was interrupted by a cry, a child's plea under the debris. Tifa stopped herself, orienting herself. The brief moonshine danced over Cloud, ten metres or so below her, and stopped dead in his tracks.

A squirming arm snaked through two metal planks. A child! She held back her cry. Yet Cloud continued walking. Hadn't the man heard it? No, he did. But was he blatantly to leave him there?

Tifa was baffled. She watched as Cloud continued his journey down. She waited for moments to pass before she herself could aid the mangled boy.

"Hold on, kid," She heard a murmur as a shimmer of blond climbed up the metal platforms.

She heard the grind of metal on metal as he pried the crashed debris off the boy with a metal pole. A cry of relief came from the boy's mouth as Cloud helped him to his feet. The boy sighed and let out a quick thank you, simply relieved. He explained why the panels fell over him.

"They said Midgar is gonna be rebuilt after we get those poor folk trapped from the plate up. They'z actually starting now!" Cloud showed no interest; however, Tifa kept an ear open to hear the boy's claims. How people who lost everything of importance to them would actually rebuild a city that gave them grief was beyond her.

"That's nice**, **kid. Just go to your family and stay with them."

"I ain't got no family," he sighed.

Cloud stopped in mid-jump. No family... the punk actually looked like him, way back when. He turned around, facing the kid that followed him down a few planks. He placed two solid hands on the boy's shoulders.

"You never lose everything. There's always something to look forward to, got that?" He started back down, "rebuild your Midgar. All the power to you. "

"Thanks Cloud." She heard the boy murmur as he followed his own path that led into the darkness that surrounded them. She smiled as she heard him whistle a tune, the tune Aeris would be caught whistling from time to time.

She sighed discontently as she prepared herself for another jump. No matter how lost Cloud may seem, there was always this light tailing him in silence. She just wondered how long this light would last before it too disappeared in the darkness of his memories.

* * *

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack! And here is a brand new and improved version of Flowers Blooming in the Church. A million and one thanks goes to my beta reader: Manda and her incredible english skillz. If it weren't for you, this fanfic would remain a big sloppy mess of mistakes. Again, thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Flowers Blooming in the Church**_

_The ghost of a fallen comrade revives painful memories. A journey begins to find what was lost, to revive a piece of them that was suddenly taken away. The journey that wasn't seen._

_**Chapter **__**2**_

_**Flowers Blooming in the Church**_

It was a difficult descent**, **even for Tifa. Her calves were sore, her ankles ached and her eyes fell from time to time. She didn't know what drove Cloud, but it wasn't a mutual feeling. Tifa couldn't help but feel torn as he dove down to yet another metal slab, a piece of Midgar's infrastructure, praying that this one wouldn't decide to let go of what it held onto and let Cloud plummet the rest of the way down. She wished that he would decide to turn back to the Shera,decide to settle down and maybe even settle down with her… Tifa shook these thoughts from her mind; for Cloud was too broken to think that way. And Tifa knew she missed her chance. She failed to see that little boy that cared so much about her in his cold desolate eyes. She knew she failed to be there for this man who lost everything. He became her hero, but who was going to be his?

Cloud was beginning to feel the toll of this escapade, but the need to see that church one last time surpassed the pain. He chuckled to himself, finding it so strange that this little journey would take its toll so quickly. The Northern Crater, even the decaying Ancient City was more difficult to manoeuvre in. But it was the vision of that woman dressed in pink that haunted him constantly and slowly took his will to move away. That heart warming smile of hers, her girlish chuckle, the way her dress danced with her movements, her gentle touch... he thought he could bury her memory in her ruined church, and with her buried memory, go on with his life. Or could it be that he was doomed to a memory? Whatever, that wasn't for him to decide. He had no right to decide...

He saw Aeris with the point of the Masamune slicing through her body, blood soiling that wonderful pink dress and tainting her auburn hair. And all he could do... No, all he did, was watch him kill her. Then tell Sephiroth how much of a horrible man he was. When Cloud knew, _he_ was the worst thing that evil ever spat out. All he did was stand and watch as his own ally sacrificed herself unknowingly.

He could smell her. Everywhere he went, he could smell her. The way flowers smelt, sweet and gentle, hypnotic and comforting... He could also smell her blood. Cloud couldn't't manage to wipe off the only thing she left him, her blood stained into his hands. Not to say his hands weren't already soiled, but all he could see was her innocent blood staining his already tarnished hands.

That was when he knew she didn't deserve to be a memory, _his_ little lost cause. She needed to rest along with her body; let go so that she could finally return to the Planet she belonged to. Yes, that was what all this madness was about, to put to rest a woman that cried to be let go.

Tifa watched as Cloud stopped in mid-jump, falling back onto the plank that he launched himself from. He stumbled slightly, trying to regain his balance but couldn't managed and slipped to the empty void surrounded by metal ahead; Tifa's worry become a reality. Tifa held back a cry as she jolted to her friend's rescue, but there was no need to worry; Cloud had found Aeris' church. Tifa remained silent instead and watched as Cloud stood and continued to walk forward, his cerulean eyes gleaming as if possessed by something that Tifa wouldn't dare stand against: the love for a dead woman.

"Oh, Cloud," Tifa whimpered to the emptiness engulfing her, "If only we were stronger. If only we were strong enough to carry on. But our burden is too great for us to carry alone. If only we could swallow our pride and cry for the help we need. "

But her voice couldn't reach him, even if he were standing inches away from her.

Cloud remained an observer to the church's dismantled state. The roof was caving in after a metal plank savagely ran through it (whereas it wasn't as noticeable before). There was only one stained glass window that remained. And the garden... The garden was unrecognizable. The flowers were drowning in a multitude of weeds, desperately trying to struggle out and failing miserably. He knelt as Aeris once knelt by the flowerbed, attempting to untangle the flowers and make some sense out of the garden.

Tifa stood by the door, resting herself on the frame, watching Cloud tend to the garden. She couldn't imagine Cloud having a green thumb. The thought of Cloud being a botanist just made her chuckle (silently, of course). But he seemed so utterly content with the soil in between his fingers, the green stems twining around his hands. It would take hours before Cloud would be satisfied with the garden, satisfied enough to make Aeris proud.

Tifa feel asleep by the door, minutes after crouching down, and Cloud was still hard at work. It was only when Tifa's body slumped onto the ground, causing a rather loud thud that Cloud took his eyes off of the garden. He knew he felt like he was being watched, but by what, he couldn't say. And all of that became clear as he sauntered to the open entrance.

Of course, Tifa was the only one sly enough to get by his constant guard. She looked exhausted, strewn onto the dusty ground without a care in the world. Only her eyebrows furrowed slightly but relaxed once she felt Cloud's hand on her shoulder. He attempted to wake her, ready to ask her what in gods' name she was doing all the way down here, but decided against it after the third time trying. So he picked her up and laid her next to the flower garden, next to him while he worked.

Tifa awoke as Cloud was settling down to pull a weed. She tried to pretend that she hadn't waken at all, just to prolong the moment he would look to her as if to say "you're an idiot".

"What are you doing all the way down here, Tifa? You look beat."

She sat up. "I am."

"Then, why go through all of that just to come down here?"

"I didn't come down here, Cloud... I was..." She hesitated; she didn't want him to feel like he could no longer be trusted alone with those thoughts running rampant in his mind, "following you."

"Oh."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Cloud was neither angry nor relieved by that sentiment, but truly, he felt betrayed. Were all of his comrades this worried of him, too?

"Looking good."

Cloud looked up from his flowers and his thoughts.

"The flowers. They look very nice. "

"It's the least I can do."

Tifa placed a hand on his shoulder, not giving him the chance to fall back into his own little world, "she'd love them. I'm sure."

His chest contorted and his eyes watered, everything hurt. But he couldn't cry; Tifa was beside him, her eyes reflecting him as clearly as a mirror. No, he could not falter now. He could not return to the small weak child he once was.

He turned back to the flowers again, trying to make one stand up, but it was hopeless. Tifa took a sliver of the hardwood floor and stuck it in the ground beside the little fella and with a shoe lace; she tied the stem to the piece of wood.

"There, all better."

* * *

It's madness I tell you, madness!!! I have uploaded both chapters that Manda has helped me fix. Note: chapters 1 and 2 have been merged together and chapters 3 and 4 have been merged together as well. So, tell me what you think? BIG improvement, right? I'm currently working on chapter 3 as we speak, and with my hours at work being cut and the semester being over, I can work on my fanfics during the holidays. As always, review!

--Project_Hypocrisy


	3. Chapter 3

_**Flowers Blooming in the Church**_

_The ghost of a fallen comrade revives painful memories. A journey begins to find what was lost, to revive a piece of them that was suddenly taken away. The journey that wasn't seen._

WARNING: Cid's potty mouth.

_**Chapter 3**_

_**Tomorrow's Forecast**_

Cid leaned onto the railing, fencing off the cockpit from the floor below that unknowingly one day became the meeting ground for the world's saviours. The airship was currently stalled somewhere off the coast of Kalm. Shera's energy cells needed to be charged after last night's escapade. It didn't bother Cid much to pay Cloud a favour, but Cloud knew that Cid couldn't dock Shera anywhere near Midgar after Meteor hit. On that auspicious evening, the valley's solidity was disturbed and Shera was to remain in the sky for the whole evening. Little did Cid foresee that joining the rebellion against Shin Ra would cause him such an inconvenience. Not to mention a costly new cell design being on his creative back burners suddenly finding its way onto his new airship, replacing his now non-existent Mako fuel cells.

'Whatever,' Cid puffed on his cigarette, causing smoke to slither out of his nostrils, 'the bastard'll pay me back one day.' Cid begun to think of ways the little spiky-haired freak would repay him, 'maybe making him get all suited up in a chocobo costume... yeah, for the kids... when I have kids. And if I keep on paying him these favours, I won't be havin' kids.'

Before the final showdown, Cid returned back home where Shera (the woman) waited. He didn't shout profanities at her but at life in general, and she managed to listen. When the telephone rang, she turned the ringer off. When the kettle boiled, she let it shriek. All of her attention was transfixed on him. And then he begun to remember some forgotten dreams and some dreams better left forgotten to move on...

"I never thanked you enough for checking that oxygen tank." What?! Had he actually uttered those words to her then? Getting so terribly sentimental and shit... Stupid Cloud, getting him all twisted into this crap. But, like he felt then, all he wanted to do was return home. Whether that was where Shera was or where his bed laid, he wasn't quite sure. But he knew if both were together, it would be heaven.

"Tifa has made us dinner again."

Cid looked to the crimson cloaked man, letting yet another smoke snake weave its way out of his nose, "can someone please take them batteries out of that woman!"

The cloaked man Cid had come to learn was Vincent let out a laboured chuckle, "I hadn't the heart to tell her to stop."

"Yeah?" The cloaked man having a heart? Did vampires have hearts, he wondered.

Vincent leaned onto the closed door, looking at the pilot through layers of unkempt hair, "the fuel cells should be ready by tomorrow evening, then?"

"So says the hydro-plant manager. Can't really trust it. I mean, it's a freakin' shack on a river! Well, you can do so much without any funds from Shin Ra and trying to keep it a secret from Shin Ra. I have to say, I was quite impressed. A whole hydro-electric plant made right under Shin Ra's nose." Cid snapped back to reality; the freakin' vampire was actually striking a conversation with him! Astonishing...

"I remember sabotaging one or two of those in my day." Vincent said plainly.

"Yeah, being in Turk and all, I wouldn't think otherwise. Must be tough, seeing Shin Ra in the state it is now."

"Honestly, I couldn't care less. When I was a Turk, I was a Turk. Not some nationalist. Not some strange deranged Shin Ra supporter. I was a Turk, nothing more. I was just a job and a pay check."

Cid looked to the man, eyebrow raised. It was Tifa's cooking, he ascertained himself. She seasoned the tender chocobo meat with crack; there was no other explanation.

"So, then joining AVALANCHE was just for your own amusement? Just to see how far you could take yourself? From being a Turk to being a rebel?"

Vincent let out a small short breath Cid assumed was a chuckle, "no, not quite. I guess you could say, joining AVANLANCHE was my final desperate attempt to right myself."

He remembered hearing Cloud speak with Vincent about a girl named Lucrecia, the mother of the harbinger of doom and destruction. Cid listened half-heartedly, trying to concentrate his attention on getting his allies to their demanded destination. Idiots... he had a whole five hours of sleep last night. He was a fuckin' good pilot, but he was no miracle worker. But he remembered how particularly silent Vincent was. Usually when a question was directed to him, he would answer; but Cloud couldn't get more than three words out of him at a time. So eventually he gave up and let Vincent demand his one and only request of the pilot, "Can you fly me to the falls?"

He couldn't, as much as Cid wanted to serve the man at least once on his journey and maybe unlock a mystery or two. But Cid offered to fly him to where they had last docked the submarine and personally drive him to falls himself. Cid kept to his word and kept his gods damned mouth shut when they walked into the cave hidden behind the falls. Vincent looked so... sad staring at the crystalline figure of a young woman protruding from an open Mako fountain. Sad... no, that couldn't possibly be the word.

"Being a Turk and all, I guess you'd have a lot of wrongs to right?"

"I guess a Turk would, yes." Vincent's arms crossed, showing a very physical sign of closeness. Yes, might as well.

Cid took the cigarette out of his mouth and crushed the butt beneath the toe of his shoe. "You really should not do that."

"Hey, I'll clean it. My gods' damned airship, any who."

"No, I mean smoking in general."

"What's it to you?"

"Nothing. I'm just doing anyone else whom cares for you a favour."

Cid looked to the ex-Turk warily, "you know what? You're fuckin' nuts, you know that? I could drive myself crazy just trying to figure you out."

"Don't even bother. Unless you'd see yourself as a perfect replica of myself." Vincent let his clawed arm slid down to his side, "I just assumed there was someone. You did rename your airship."

It was Cid's turn to chuckle and then burst out into a hefty laughter. Strange, wasn't it? Even his subconscious knew there was something going on between him and that strange researcher. At least he didn't tell Shera he renamed the airship after her; she wouldn't even let him tell her what he renamed the airship, bad luck.

"I thought it would be too narcissistic if I renamed my second airship after me, is all."

"Of course, Cid." Oh, so the vampire did know his name.

"Are you guys' hungry?" Tifa called from behind the closed door. Cid and Vincent looked at each other. How the woman managed to carry on was beyond them all. There was no one that placed that duty on her, no one asked her to be their mother, their sister, a friend. But she just so happened to be all of those and a hell of a good cook.

"We'll be right up, Tif." Cid smiled at Vincent, "shall we then?"

"I honestly don't think it's very healthy."

"Gods almighty! You keep to yourself in your own little spot, nearly making an indent in the railing where you stood and then bam! You strike up all 'em conversations with me. What the hell, Vincent?"

He shrugged, "I didn't know who else I could rationally speak to. Barret is too emotionally attached to Tifa and thinks that Cloud is the next angel of death for us all. You seemed like the only other person who kept tabs on all of this."

"That is the most I heard you talk. Ever. But I get your point. For Cloud to call us all up..." He held his tongue, realizing something groundbreaking.

"It wasn't Cloud. Tifa called us."

"Cloud called me; that was it. Tifa came along; I mean, duh. But when Tifa came on board so did the rest of us. I thought Cloud was up for a reunion, or something."

"She feared that he would do something... stupid."

"Not too hard for the kid."

"This journey was for him."

Cid nodded contemplatively, "we all met something at the end of the road that we didn't want to see."

"Realized that you were actually a failed Shin Ra experiment; that you took on the identity of someone else who accomplished things only you could dream of and then battle the one man you let yourself consider a hero?" Cid held back a gasp, but the look on his face must have been priceless, "silence does not mean I don't hold things of my own to say."

"Yeah, it just means you have more _to_ say." Cid looked to the sea that lay before the Shera. It looked so vast then, despite the fact that he crossed it so many damned times. Even the evening sky looked so far out of reach, yet he flew amongst the stars. It was clear that the journey certainly took its toll on him. Had given and taken some things to or from him. Never could he imagine...

"Maybe Cloud needs this. And I'll offer him my airship for as long as he needs it. Maybe he just needs to see if he's coming or going. I don't blame him. You live for so long thinking you're someone when you're not, you just can't think what it would be like if you really weren't the person you believed you were. Maybe Cloud needs us too; I mean, we did travel the world together. Maybe Tifa knows we're the only ones who understand the bastard."

"Perhaps."

"Aw, Vincent's worried about Cloud." Cid teased in a sing-song voice. Vincent was passive about it all, just shrugging it off.

"No, what worries me is that how could a man save the entire world from impending doom and yet he can't manage himself. I'd hold my breath for this world."

"Hey, we know Cloud better than that. Yeah, sure he's a fucked up kinda guy, but so are you. So am I, for that matter."

"Sephiroth isn't the type to lose to a band of misfits."

"Roll with the punches, Vincent. If he comes back, you'll definitely be around and if not; I doubt the world's population would just sit back and crack open a case of two-four." Cid smiled at the man, taping him amicably on the shoulder, "let's get to that food before it gets cold."

"I may be biased but I do believe Tifa cooked a delightful supper tonight."

"I can't imagine otherwise."

* * *

A/N: spelling and grammar check are now my one (I mean, two) and only true friends. I know it's not perfect, but it's an improvement. Anywho, my beta-reader ain't around, so I'm posting this chappie in hopes of getting someone's attention. (Searching for your own beta-reader is all fine and dandy if they got back to you! Ah, just kidding! :) )

Oh, and I assumed that they had multiple gods.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Flowers Blooming in the Church**_

_The ghost of a fallen comrade revives painful memories. A journey begins to find what was lost, to revive a piece of them that was suddenly taken away. The journey that wasn't seen._

WARNING: Cid's potty mouth, emo!Cloud and un-beta-ed.

_**Chapter**__** 4**_

_**Cloud**_

Cid eyed Vincent. Vincent just stared straight ahead. Yuffie was gobbling her food. Reeve (minus Cait Sith) was looking at his empty plate with his arms crossed. Red was patting his tail onto the metal haul of Sierra, liking the way it thudded. Barret was grumbling incoherently to himself, adjusting his arm. Tifa came out from the kitchen like everything was just normal as the sun going down each day. And Cloud was sitting at the table, avoiding the obvious tension.

Tifa placed his bowl onto his plate first, "glad to see you joining us for supper, Cloud." He nodded in response, grabbing his spoon. He was mighty starved.

Barret rose his fist and then smashed it against the table, shaking everyone out of their individual stupor, "mighty glad, fo' sure!" He started to grumble to himself once again.

The interrupted silence was nearly disregarded until Reeve opened his mouth, "did you find anything?" Cloud didn't respond, just looked at Tifa who just returned the glare with nothing more than a smile. So Cloud did the same to Reeve who took that as a 'shut the hell up, Shin Ra spy'.

The bowls clanked as they were placed onto their plates. Otherwise, there was complete silence. Usually Cid's profuse language could be heard as he recapped the day's events, even if he weren't on the team that day. And Barret would respond wholeheartedly and a heated debate would begin. Tifa would try to break them up while Yuffie egged them on. Red and Cait's discussion could be heard as the argument began to break up. Even Vincent's two cents could be heard, but only to the trained ear. And Aerith—No, she never got to see the Highwind. Cloud heard nothing and the silence was... well, driving him insane.

"You must be wondering what's going on."

"You bet your fucking ass we are." Cid offered in the stead of Barret, who was clearly going to go for the kill. Barret was just worried for Tifa, like they all were; but he was prepared to skin a spiky ass in hopes of making her smile again.

"We're just worried, Cloud. That's all." Tifa... always there. Cloud supposed that she couldn't take him alone anymore. That's why she called the rest of the team. She was afraid of taking him alone. He couldn't blame her.

"We lost a lot during this battle." Everyone knew this. Everyone was well aware of what they lost amongst the rubble of Midgar. A young flower girl amongst it. "I see everyone moving on, regardless. You've found something before that final battle and you've never lost sight of it. I... I'm lost." He looked down to his hands, trying to think of something to say next that would redeem him. Something that would make him their leader again.

There was silence again, as everyone attempted to regain composure again. Only one girl, far too young to understand much of anything else but Materia spoke out of the silence, "well then find it! I'm so tired of you angsty guys thinking they have it so tough all while trying to look tough."

"Yuffie's right Cloud," Reeve spoke next, "it's really time you do something about it."

Cloud sighed, "I just never thought about _after_ the battle. Never about the future... All my life I devoted myself to a better tomorrow, a tomorrow where I was better... and now... I have nowhere else to go because I didn't think far ahead enough." Cloud stood up from his seat, "I'm sorry guys... just give me some more time." And he walked out.

Cid looked to Tifa who was clearly beside herself. He wanted to say something, anything to make her stay with them and figure out a way to snap the man back the normal. She was about to stand when Barret held her back to her seat. "Leave the man alone for a bit Tifa. We all need to leave him alone." He looked to the table who all nodded in response, "the man's lost... I get it. What I don't get is why you called us out." He turned to Tifa.

"I...—"

"I think I'm beginning to understand," the lot kept silent for a moment while Vincent spoke his clear, near infinite wisdom, "Cloud is searching for something he lost; and he needs our help to find it."

"...Aerith." Red replied, "he's planning to regain something he lost... Aerith."

"That's what I think." Vincent agreed in his gruff voice, looking at Tifa for her input. So were the rest of them.

She nodded, "Cloud... cared about her so much. Maybe her death did more damage than we could repair."

"Tifa..." Barret held out his good arm, touching hers lightly.

"It's fine, Barret. All we can do now is to help him find a way."

"Perhaps we should return to Cosmo Canyon," Red offered, "my grandfather... he kept much of his wisdom on file."

"Then let's see if them fuel cells are up and runnin'!" Cid got up from his seat, swiped his mouth and implored his fellow teammates to join him in the hangar. Only Tifa and Barret remained at the table, their suppers left untouched.

"That bastard..."

"Barret—! "

"No! Look at what he's dun to you Tifa! Why the hell do ya want this guy in your life?"

"He saved my life."

"So, yer gonna give your life to any Tom and Jim that walks along and saves you? Thought you were stronger than that..."

"No... It isn't that. I just... I know that he has no one else to confide in, Barret. Sure he has his teammates, people he counted on when he was afraid of himself, afraid of the world collapsing around him. But... that was when he knew when and how to call out for help." She took her spoon and swirled her supper around, trying to make it look eatable. "I'm just trying to return a favour..."

"I know yer the only one that really gives a shit about the guy. I just dun want joo to get hurt, is all I'm sayin'."

"Yeah... I know Barret. Even if I do hurt, I can't help it."

"You got too much of a big heart, you know that?"

Tifa smiled. A big heart that hurt like the rest of them... If not more. She couldn't explain it... She knew she loved Cloud more than just a friend. It was impossible for her not to and still care as much and in the same way she did.

"I wish I had a brain that went along with that heart... Maybe I would have figured out a way to help him by now."

Barret smiled back, "well think of sumthin'."

Once Cloud had left, he slipped out onto the deck, feeling the steady hum of the charging fuel cells just beneath him. The sea breeze was beginning to pick up. Standing out there alone made him wonder what the hell he was doing out there. What the hell had he gotten his teammates into this time? He was so puny... so stupid... such a gods damned idiot!

"_I shouldn't have called Tifa... I knew I shouldn't have called her. I shouldn't have let her call the rest of them either.__ I'm such a weakling... I thought beating Sephiroth would... Would, what? Prove that I was stronger than those bastards in Shin Ra? Stronger than anyone could imagine? Stronger than the acclaimed GENERAL? That's weak, Cloud, real weak." _

He banged the railing with his fist, the muffled sound of feet heard inside the Shera. He closed his eyes, _"don't come out here... Just leave me be for a minute." _And his wish was granted. Something faint ached inside of him. Maybe he really wanted to be found and told to stop being such an idiot and a wimp and act like a leader. Maybe he wanted someone to save him from his internal bashing.

"_I just... still blame myself for everything Aerith. I always had to tell myself that you knew you were going to die and that you were prepared to give your life for the Planet like the rest of us. But I had to know better... someone so full of life prepared to give __their life? You had more of a future than the rest of us and I... let you die. I let you die and did nothing..."_

He crumbled to the floor, holding his aching head in his hands. He hadn't been the same since the battle with Sephiroth. Everything ached at times. At times, his body would convulse randomly. His arm would at times secrete a thick brown liquid while he slept. And at times, he would wake up, his face and hair soaked with tears. Sometimes he thought it was punishment for what he did to the Planet's last Ancient. He knew that the Planet would reject him for his idleness. He needed to make amends.

"_There's nothing else I'd rather do now...__Nothing else I should do."_

"Cloud!" The intercom came on echoing out into the quiet night, "get yer ass in the hangar! Tifa, Barret! You too! We're heading out. Them fuel cells are up and rearin' to go!"

Cloud smiled. He knew that he wasn't strong enough to do it himself. But he knew that he couldn't count on better people to bail him out.

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A/N: Kind of happy with where this is going. Might have this one done in three more chappie's. Again, this isn't reviewed. I apologize for any obvious grammar or spelling errors. I did run a spelling/grammar check, but those things can do so much. As always, R&R mofos! Dun make me write another emo!Cloud chapter, yo!

--Peace, Project_Hypocrisy


	5. Chapter 5

_**Flowers Blooming in the Church**_

_The ghost of a fallen comrade revives painful memories. A journey begins to find what was lost, to revive a piece of them that was suddenly taken away. The journey that wasn't seen._

_**Chapter 5**_

_**Lost Somewhere in the Cosmos**_

Tifa had engaged the Observatory and was now peering into the infinite cosmos. Looking out into the universe made her little Planet look so infinitesimal, an accident, a blip on the screen... Everything she fought for and struggled for was nothing but a blip in the grand scheme of things. It left her feeling empty, like the deep vacuum chasm of the universe.

The lift rose again up into the Observatory. "I knew you'd be here." Cloud stepped into the Observatory, carefully avoiding a planet coming at him, passing through its orbit.

"Hey. Did you guys find anything?"

Cloud walked towards the sun, where Tifa stood. The light was mirrored well in the Observatory. It made the machine warm, or at least he imagined it did. "I shouldn't have gotten you mixed up in all of this."

She shook her head, "no. I wanted to help you out. I'm sorry I called the rest of them. I just... I thought that they could help."

He smiled, "yeah, they are. But... we didn't find anything." He chuckled to himself which was strange in these times, "I didn't even have to explain myself."

She chuckled back, "they're not stupid people Cloud. They've got you _all_ figured out." He didn't rebut her claim; he just started to stare off.

He reached out to a star, poking the hologram through and through. "Everything I've fought for ends up just being a hologram."

"Cloud..." His hand snapped back. He smiled at her, disarming; but she knew better. "You can't live without her, can you? Saving this world means nothing to you if this world doesn't have her, doesn't it?"

"Tifa—"

"I just thought it would be enough to show you how many people sincerely care about you. But I guess I didn't think it through." She swallowed her tears, got onto the lift and propelled herself down. Cloud couldn't do anything other than watch her and kick himself mentally.

Tifa walked through the house, her eyes dejected to the floor, not even noticing Red's presence. She would have walked passed him if it weren't for Red's tail wrapping itself around her wrist and tugging gently. "We've found something."

"You did!" She wiped at her hair, combing back her hair. She knew she couldn't get Cloud herself, "why don't you round up Cloud."

The beast nodded solemnly; he knew better than to ask if anything were amiss. "The rest of us are at the Candle." She nodded back, picking up speed to a quick jog.

Red climbed onto the lift and with his tail, pulled on the lever. He joined Cloud who was completely lost in the predicted movements of the planets and its moons and stars, all around a sun that provided life. All of this at the speed of light, a speed that cannot be detected by the human eye. It must have awed him, like it awed Red the first time his grandfather told him the workings of the universe.

"We've found something, Cloud. We're waiting for you at the Candle."

Cloud nodded and went to the lift along with Red. "Do you really think this will save you Cloud?"

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you ever thought that perhaps she doesn't want to be revived?" Red took his tail and did the honours of pulling down the lever.

"You're answering me with more questions?"

"I suppose I am."

Cloud laughed and patted Red on the head which he knew secretly infuriated the beast to no end. He snapped at Cloud's hand which he never did, he always managed to keep his cool. Cloud knew Red was like the others: quite ticked about the whole situation and what was left of their leader. Cloud sobered with frightening speed, "I didn't ask for any of you to be here."

"No, Tifa did. Do you have any idea what all of this is doing to her?" Cloud said nothing. That was his one regret: Tifa. "Listen Cloud, Grandfather was led to believe that the Cetran race held the knowledge to revive people. We found no other way." Cloud understood what Red was saying; why did Aerith revive herself, then?

"Then, we're heading to the Forgotten City?" Red nodded.

They walked through the house and climbed down to the Candle. The bonfire's flame stood taller than Cloud and represented a pride greater than he could understand. He thought the flame would have died during the aftershock of Meteor crashing into Midgar. But it hadn't in nearly two centuries. This flame never died, that Cloud admired.

"Listen up." He called everyone to attention. "As you all figured out, we're going to return Aerith to the living. I know it should be something I should accomplish by myself, but... I just can't. I'm not capable. I'm heading to the Forgotten City in the morning."

"We're gonna follow you," Cid offered for the rest of them. Neither of them seemed to object.

"No... I need to do this myself."

"We're going to follow you either way, you know that." Tifa looked up from the great bonfire, the flame reflecting in her already crimson tinted eyes. The ashes rose and stung her eyes, but she had become used to it. She didn't even blink. No, if she blinked, she would see Nibelheim. If she'd blink, she wouldn't see Cloud standing there beside her. "Just so that if you need us, we'll be there."

Cloud nodded. What else was he supposed to do? He wished he was strong enough, strong enough to relieve his teammates of their duties. But he knew he wasn't. He knew he needed them even though he foreigned annoyance.

Cid yawned, stretched, the whole show, "well, I'm bushed. How about you guys?" In turn everyone nodded and headed off to the Observatory, leaving Cloud and Tifa behind.

"Do you remember in the Crater, when it was beginning to cave in, when you caught me? Do you remember what you said to me?"

Cloud sat next to her, staring straight into the inferno, the faint glimmer of sky blue lost inside the flame. The heat stung his face, clung to his hair and clothes. He didn't look at her when he replied, "no, I can't say I remember."

"You said we could meet Aerith at the Promised Land." Tifa looked over to Cloud and like he felt her gaze, he turned to her as well. "You know, that comforted me. I honestly thought we were going to die there and then. But you saying that made me think: 'if Aerith is there, maybe it won't be so lonely'. But now being alive...leaving her behind like that. It must be hard for you too." She again turned her gaze into the flame. It was like his blank stare was more difficult to look into than the bonfire. It was like his stare burned more than the flame itself.

"You know, because of me, she couldn't go to the Promised Land, she couldn't be put to rest. That final battle...I wanted to repay her for everything she had given us. I was so relieved to hear her laughter in the Lifestream." He shrugged, "maybe it was just my imagination."

He yawned, looked at Tifa and said, "I'm pretty tired."

"I'm just going to stay here for a bit." He looked wary of her proposition, "don't worry. I'll be up in awhile."

He accepted finally, "night Tifa."

"Good night, Cloud. Sweet dreams." It was more like a wish than pleasantries. She knew that his dreams were haunted by her, by Nibelheim, by that final battle, by Sephiroth...

She looked to the night sky, so open, so clear...The heavens...it seemed further away now, more than ever. Even more so than those years she lived in Midgar. At least they were close to her in her dreams. Now, she knew. She knew that they were far out of reach. She wondered if they could hear her from where they were. She wondered if _she_ could hear her from where she was.

"Now I know why he's tearing himself apart. Now I understand. He feels like it's all his fault...do you think that too? Do you know how hard he's fighting for you? I really hope so, Aerith. Maybe it can be of comfort to you." She waited, listened...but she didn't get that ever fated response from the afterworld. She laughed to herself. What made her think that Aerith would bother herself with their petty little problems? She was in the Promised Land now. She left them behind.

"Oh! Hi there."

Tifa looked around the bonfire to see a young girl climb up the steps to the bonfire. She was quite young and Tifa wondered if her parents were worried about their daughter's absence at this hour of the night.

"Hi." She replied all the same.

"You don't come from around here." The little girl smiled.

Tifa shook her head, "no, I come from Midgar—" She took back her words, "sorry, I mean, Nibelheim."

"Yeah well I come from Kalm--" The girl also took back her words, "well, near it."

Tifa couldn't help the words that were about to come out of her mouth, "It's kind of late, isn't it?" She was a mother at the core.

"Yeah, it is." But it didn't seem to bother the girl none. "My grandparents don't mind if I'm here at the Candle." She began to kneel at the bonfire as if in prayer. After some time in silence, uninterrupted by Tifa (she didn't wish to be rude), the girl opened her eyes and kissed the ground. She looked up at Tifa, "my dad died some time ago. My dad was in a car accident and my mom was scared of living, so she moved in with her parents here at Cosmo Canyon."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"I said that because I heard your prayer." The girl nudged her way closer to Tifa. "My grandmum was an orphan by the age of ten. He parents died in the tribal war between the Gi and Cosmo Canyon. She said it took some time but she soon learned to stop praying to the sky and started to pray to the Earth. The universe is a really big place, even bigger than this planet. In that infinite space, there are infinite possibilities. So why did we end up here, of all places? There are so many planets out there that can't support life, but this one did everything in its power so that it could. We're small compared to it, and it is small compared to the cosmos it was thrown into. But it struggles, just like us. It struggles with all its might to make a life for itself, just like us. My grandmum said that there were people called the Ancients that lived here before us. They believed that when we died, we returned to this planet. Imagine that! A planet made a home for us, whether we were alive or dead! Grandmum said that all people go back to their mother planet after they die. So when I heard that dad died, I started to pray to the planet. I heard in science class that a tremor in one part of the world could, through a domino effect, be felt on the other end. So, he'll get to hear me eventually." The little girl looked to the sky, "it's one crazy world, but it's us who make it worthwhile, don't you think? The people we meet? Us? Even the people we don't meet?"

Tifa nodded, "yeah you're right." Tifa looked to the ground beneath her feet. _You were always there for us, weren't you? I was just looking at the wrong place all along. You never left us. You're right here, beneath us, holding us up when nothing else will. Maybe one day you'll hear this... _

"Well, it's really late." The girl yawned which seemed to be contagious.

"Yeah, I think it's time we go to bed."

"Did you get to say you're prayer?"

Tifa nodded, "yeah, thanks. I didn't think I was doing this all wrong. Thanks for showing me."

"No prob. We're all in this mess together."

* * *

A/N: So this sucka is gonna be dun in one more chapter! Maybe a prologue or somethin' added too. Again, this isn't reviewed. I apologize for any obvious grammar or spelling errors. I did run a spelling/grammar check, but those things can do so much. As always, R&R mofos! Dun make me write another emo!Cloud chapter, yo!

--Peace, Project_Hypocrisy


	6. Chapter 6

_**Flowers Blooming in the Church**_

_The ghost of a fallen comrade revives painful memories. A journey begins to find what was lost, to revive a piece of them that was suddenly taken away. The journey that wasn't seen._

WARNING: pottymouth!Tifa, emo!Cloud, un-beta-ed.

**_Chapter 6_**

**_In the Arms of an Angel_**

Tifa looked at Cloud. He looked so tiny against the backdrop of the Forgotten City. The waterfall still remained and in the distance, a twinkling melody could be heard above the pounding of the water. An arch opened the way inside, where the consciousness of a million Ancients resided. Cloud was hesitant. So was Tifa. She watched on, despite Cloud's wishes. But she knew he wouldn't have it any other way. He knew that asking all of his fellow team members to sit this journey out was far too much to ask. They knew that if at least Tifa would join him... well, there was hope that he may return unscarred; emotionally or physically.

"It's okay Cloud. You know what you'll find inside." It was true that they had been there before. Red's grandfather led them into the chasm of the earth to find a key which in turn led them to this secret; the secret that the Cetra held deep within the Lifestream.

He went inside. There he saw an image of the darling flower girl. Images that haunted his dreams, his thoughts... He failed her. He failed to keep those images more than just that; images... Aerith didn't deserve to die. Especially by his watch. He was her bodyguard, dammit!

"Cloud?" He felt her hand on his shoulder and he couldn't help but shrug away. He couldn't allow himself to rely on her, especially in the event that she would ask him to return the favour. He promised both of them... and failed them both, enumerable times.

He walked up to the altar, placed his hands beside the glowing orb displaying images on the water backdrop. He closed his eyes and whispered a silent prayer, _"how can I revive Aerith?"_

The images refused to change but instead continued to play memories of Aerith. Cloud grinded his teeth, trying to hold back his frustration, but to no real avail. Was it because he wasn't a Cetra? Was that why they weren't listening to him? He waited and watched, all the same. And suddenly his patience was rewarded.

The image of the Lifestream bubbling out of the earth, swarming a malignant looking orb falling from the sky, appeared. "Meteor." Tifa stated.

_"It's only a matter of time before Sephiroth uses Meteor." _A distance voice could be heard behind the sound of water. _"That's why I'm going to protect it. Only a surviving Cetra, like me, can do it." _

"It's Aerith's voice." Tifa nearly fell off her peripheral chair.

_"And Cloud, you take care of yourself. So you don't have a breakdown, okay?" _A chuckling could be heard and then dead silence... aside from the waterfall, of course.

"Cloud, where are you going?" Tifa caught his arm before he could head further away from the altar.

"It's okay Tifa. I have everything I wanted to know. We can leave now."

"Cloud...?" She followed him out of the waterfall and across the bridge that lead them to a staircase. She followed him still as they walked through the ghost town known only as the Forgotten City. She followed him up to the exit until she couldn't anymore.

"Cloud, you damn prick!" He turned to face a very frustrated Tifa, tears welling up inside her clenched eyelids. "You better explain to me what the hell is going on with you or so help my gods, I'll tear you apart."

"She doesn't want to be revived Tifa... She accepted the chance of dying the moment she headed off to the Forgotten City. She accepted her death even before she unleashed the Lifestream on Meteor. She knew that dying was a part of life everyone went through... she was just lucky enough to be of use even beyond her life."

"Do you care so much for a fucking ghost?!" It was impossible for her to control her rage. All of it pent in for so long... it was unbearable.

"Don't you?"

"Why... why suffer? We moved on. We accepted it."

"Because you never promised her that you would be her bodyguard. You never had to watch her die knowing that you could have saved her."

Tifa bit back her rage and anger. Why didn't she see it before? Why didn't she see that beneath the exterior resided a broken Cloud? She had seen it for herself and mended him as best as she could. But there was still the guilt... and beneath that: hopelessness. The guilt that he promised things he couldn't possibly keep. The hopelessness that he could promise nothing more than empty promises.

"Cloud... it wasn't your fault."

"I watched you nearly die in my arms. I watched Aerith die in my arms! I ran a band of misfits across the globe, promising them a fit leader and only threw them into peril after peril! I..." Tifa threw her arms around him, holding him close.

"You don't have to answer to anything Cloud."

They stood like that for what seemed like days. He didn't answer to anything but just let himself cry. He was ashamed. He felt so ashamed and yet so liberated. He let Aerith go in that very same city... now it was time to let her go again.

Tifa knew that Cloud wasn't coming back to her. She offered him a place to stay, built him a cozy little room in her house in Edge, amongst the other rooms she would later fill with children. She watched him grow distant and cold. She knew that he didn't have to answer to anything or anyone, but she watched him try.

Feeling so hopeless, so guilty... she knew she couldn't heal that wound. It was one he needed to heal himself. She needed to be strong enough to let him, despite how hard that was for her.

It was on one cold fall morning that Tifa headed out to the ruins of Midgar, Barret staying behind with the children. She suspected that Cloud lived there, in the old church, but when she got there nothing was to be found. Expect for a little flower pot, a strong lily growing inside. And a shoelace wrapped around the base.

--fin.

* * *

A/N: That's it! I'm outties with this one! I really didn't review it very well; I'll admit. But I just can't find anything that screams: WRONG!!! So yeah, that's how I wanted it to end. Really angsty. -lol- Review, please!!!


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